Welcome to my world

IF YOU ARE ON THIS PAGE THEN...

WELCOME TO DANNY CARLINO'S

"HALL OF DOUCHEBAGS!"

It takes a very special person to be enshrined in the hallowed halls of my all-time douchebag emporium.  Every person whose name appears here has undergone extensive research and consideration before being bestowed this unique and treasured honor.

In other words, they're really DOUCHEBAGS!

If you're on this list, take pride in your douchey-ness.  You've taken it to a high level that deserves such recognition.

If you're not here then keep working hard on being a douchebag, and your dreams may just come true!

SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME

DROP ME AN E-MAIL AND LET ME KNOW WHO YOU THINK IS "DOUCHE-WORTHY"

questions@dannycarlino.com

YOUR SUGGESTION MAY JUST MAKE IT ON THE LIST!

INDUCTED

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2009

KANYE WEST

The pride of the Southside of Chicago is at it again. As you all well know he ripped the microphone out of Taylor Swift's hands at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Sept. 13, during the country singer's acceptance speech. Beyonce watched in confused embarrassment as West insinuated that she should have won instead of Swift. Beyonce later gave up her acceptance speech time for another award to Swift to allow the 19-year old to have her uninterrupted moment in the sun. Remember 2005 when West stunned Mike Myers during a Hurricane Katrina relief telethon when he proclaimed that President George W. Bush didn't care about black people. He also threw a hissy fit in 2004 when another country star Gretchen Wilson edged him out for best new artist at the American Music awards walking out and telling reporters afterward, "I felt like I was definitely robbed, and I refused to give any politically correct bullsh--ass comment ... I was the best new artist this year. (mtv.com)" First of all, what a cry baby. Secondly, rather than President Bush not caring about black people, maybe Kanye West just plain doesn't like white people. Or, maybe, just maybe, you're just what President Obama said, a big JACKASS...

...and a colossal

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

THURSDAY, JULY 30, 2009

REP. JOHN CONYERS (D-MI)

In the above video, Rep. Conyers askeds, "What's the point of reading the bill?" giving the excuse that it's 1,000 pages and he'd need 2 days to read it and 2 lawyers to tell him what it means afterward. What the hell else do you have to do? How can you vote for something if you don't even bother to look at it and you don't even think you'd undertand it even if you did read it? Maybe you're not smart enough to be in Congress. You're definitely too lazy. Maybe the bill should be shorter and less complicated so people would know what it will do and it may even actually work. In conclusion, I have one really good reason for you to read the bill. How about IT'S YOUR DAMN JOB,

DOUCHEBAG!

What a happy family, right? Almost. The parents of the little boy in the middle thought they'd be clever with their children's names. They named the boy pictured above "Adolf Hitler" Campbell. He turned 3 years old recently, and the parents tried to get him a birthday cake, but the ShopRite near their New Jersey home refused to personalize a cake for the boy saying "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler." Isn't it bad enough that you named your kid that, but do you have to put the middle name on the cake, too Can't you just put "Happy Birthday Adolf?" Just because you give your son a historically repulsive name doesn't mean you should advertise it. Little Adolf's younger sisters have great names, too, like JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, 1, and 8-month-old Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie. After this family was exposed by the cake controversy, New Jersey authorities took the three children away from the parents citing the names and the fact that the house has swastikas in every room as a form of child abuse and endangerment. Oh, and I'm sure the tattoo on daddy's neck didn't help their case much either. Despite all of these interesting characteristics, Heath and Deborah claim they are not racists. Nice try, but anyone who gives their kids Nazi names and has swastikas in the house are not only racists but they are also liars and

DOUCHEBAGS!

INDUCTED

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2009

GRAND MUFTI ABDUL AZIZ AL-SHEIKH

Every parent of a girl dreams of the day when their little girl grows up and meets a great guy and gets married and starts a family of her own. Well, if you really care about her, you shouldn't wait that long. Here is what the great sheikh (pictured on the left) had to say in this regard. "If it is said that a woman below 15 cannot be married, that is wrong. If a girl exceeds 10 or 12 then she is eligible for marriage, and whoever thinks she is too young, then he or she is wrong and has done her an injustice." If that comment doesn't make you vomit, then you don't have a heart. It's bad enough to think of 10-year olds getting married (see the blushing bride on the right), but most often they are married off to much older men in exchange for healthy dowries that benefit the girl's family. I don't care what religion or holy book you think you're promoting and upholding, if you think that 10-year olds should get married, then you are an empty-headed

DOUCHEBAG!

FRIDAY, JANUARY 9, 2009

REP. MILT PATTERSON (D-CHICAGO)

South Side Representative Milt Patterson was the "Last of the Mohicans" in the Illinois House of Representatives as the body voted 114-to-1 to impeach embattled Gov. Rod Blagojevich on Jan. 9. Reporters jumped on him after the vote to find out his reasoning, and he told them that he just didn't feel comfortable voting to impeach. He felt that sort of thing wasn't up to him stating, "If the government is going to indict him, let them go ahead and do that...That's their job and I'm doing my job." Maybe he needs to read the Illinois Constitution. If articles of impeachment are presented to the House, then it IS your job to vote on that. Impeaching the governor has nothing to do with indicting him. If the Senate kicks him out, that doesn't mean he will go to jail. There is a completely separate trial to come once he's indicted by the U.S. Attorney. If you felt it wasn't your job then why didn't you vote present like another of your moron South Side Democrat colleagues Elga Jeffries did? Excuses, excuses. Seems like that's what these jokers are best at creating. Mr. Patterson did suffer a mild stroke a couple years ago, but even a vegetable would have had enough sense to vote for impeachment, or at least come up with a better reason for voting "no." For this reason, or for a lack of a reason, and for that ridiculous damn hat (you get a free bowl of soup with it?), Milt Patterson, you are a wretched and silly old...

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

THURSDAY, JANUARY 8, 2009

THIS MUSLIM BITCH

Who knows if there will ever be a peaceful solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, but people like this human piece of excrement sure won't help matters. This obviously American educated moron (I'm sure she learned much about this in our wonderful schools and univrsities with all the anti-Semitic professors) joined other pro-Palestinian protestors in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, where a good part of the population is Jewish, to let the world know their feelings about the most recent bloodshed in this ongoing conflict. Don't forget that it was the Palestinians and their friends who launced thousands of rockets into Israel during the 6-month "cease fire" agreement. Even with that provocation, people like this idiot claim that the Israeli response is disproportionate. If you wish to win, then you must respond disproportiantely. If you're playing football, you can't win by scoring a proporitanate amount of points as your opponent. You must score more. They obviously didn't teach this woman that in school. But her protest isn't even the problem as much as what she said in her protest. You can see her wonderfully tolerant views expressed by clicking here. So, she says we need bigger ovens for the Jews. How nice. This protest was put together by a group called the ANSWER (Act Now to Stop War and End Racism) Coalition. Screaming those words out is a hell of a way to end racism isn't it? There is always an excuse for such obviously racist views by liberals, though. ANSWER representative in Florida Emmanuel Lopez stated that this woman "does not represent the opinions of the vast majority of people who were there." He referred to her words as being "insensitive" but would not condemn her remarks. In speaking of Israel supporters protesting across the street from his group, Lopez called them "barbaric" and "racist." "Zionism in general is a barbaric, racist movement that really is the cause of the situation in the entire Middle East," Lopez said. Remember the fit everyone had when President Bush referred to the war on terror as a crusade? Now, I'll admit that that wasn't the best choice of words based on the history of the word crusade and the fact that the people we were mainly fighting were Muslims. The problem with that word choice was based on what the word crusade could imply. Telling a people who were systematiccally eradicated from a continent to go back into the ovens where they had been killed in the past or calling someone an outright barbarian and a racist is much more obvious and direct. Nothing need be implied. It's all right there to hit you between the eyes. See the difference? It's pretty obvious. For abusing your First Amdendment rights to spew such disgusting comments in an uninformed way makes you not only a Muslim bitch, but a ginormous...

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, JANUARY 6, 2009

CHARLES BARKLEY

The former round mound of rebound was arrested as a drunken mound of horny crap on Dec. 30, 2008, as he sped through a stop sign in Scottsdale, Arizona, on his way to get some oral work done, if you will. He wasn't on his way to the dentist if you know what I mean. Barkley made famous the notion that he is not a role model, and I guess he is determined to keep proving this fact. He's correct, but he fails to realize that, properly or not, kids look up to athletes, so they bare a responsibility to act in a positive manner.  Nobody's perfect, but actions like this can be controlled at least by most peole. The NBA analyst on TNT is known to have a big mouth that makes a lot of noise when he isn't stuffing it with food. He recently complained of his alma mater Auburn hiring a white man to coach their football program instead of a black man he and some others considered more qualified. I thought he was a basketball player, so what the hell does he know about football, anyway? He also has a huge gambling problem that forced him to work off a $400,000 gambling debt to Wynn casino in Las Vegas last year after the law got involved. To top off his stupidity, Barkley has said he plans on running for Governor of Alabama in 2014 saying he "can't possibly screw up Alabama." I happen to think he can. He may just leave the governor's mansion in the middle of the night speeding along to an all night music shop to have his flute tuned or his horn cleaned or any other innuendo you wish to put here. You are a man who knows s#!t about nothing, and yet still shoot your mouth off, so you are a...

DOUCHEBAG!

POSTHUMOUSLY INDUCTED

THURSDAY, JANUARY 2, 2009

JIM BLANNING (ASPEN BOMBER)

Mr. Blanning wanted to introduce 2009 in his hoemtown of Aspen, Colorado, with fireworks of his own. He planted bombs around the city that caused the cancellation of Aspen's public New Year's celebration. He was disillusioned with the commercialization of Aspen that resulted in development of land of which he claimed ownership for gold mning purposes. He set bombs at various banks with threatening letters, but Aspen officials found them and called in the bomb squad to properly disarm them without any harm to anyone. They caught Blanning on surveillance tape at one of the banks, so they knew who they were looking for, but he was dead by his own hand by the time they found him. Instead of making the commercial boom of his hometown of Aspen work for him, he did his best to ruin it for everyone else by trying to destroy property and kill residents, and instead of standing up to face the music, this loser took his own life probably embarrassed by what he had become. Wherever you are, Jim Blanning, you will for eternity be a...

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2008

ILLINOIS STATE LEGISLATORS

It seems that nobody in Springfield liked Gov. Rod Blagojevich even before this corruption cloud came about when he was arrested on Dec. 10, 2008. The main reason U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald arrested him seemingly so early in the wiretap portion of his investigation was to prevent "BLAGO" from soiling the Senate by appointing someone to fill Barack Obama's vacant seat. We're still waiting for charges, which is one problem, but in the 20 days since the arrest, Illinois politicians talked about how terrible it would be for Blagojevich to make the appointment that he has the constitutional right and duty to make. There was one way to stop him, and that involves impeachment. What did our great legislators do?  They formed a committee to look into impeachment. Why do we need a new committiee? YOU ARE THE COMMITTEE! If someone had enough balls to introduce articles of impeachment, then they'd vote on it, and we'd get racoon-head out of there before any appointment was made. Instead the debate continued because that's all these people are good for. It's easy to stake a claim to some position when you're not held accountable for it by a vote. Yes, politicians talk, but legislators are paid to vote, too! If you're so concerned about something, then introduce the proper legislation and vote on it so something will happen. Don't just talk until your words become irrelevant. For this reason, our legislators are

DOUCHEBAGS!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2008

REP. BOBBY RUSH

For the former Black Panther, the appointment of Roland Burris to the U.S. Senate by disgraced Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is the right thing to do because it keeps a seat in the Senate black. I've watched C-SPAN, and I've never seen any black seats or white seats, have you? We don't need black senators. We don't need white senators either, for that matter. Does anyone say that we need Asian senators, or Italians, or Cubans? What we desperately need are GOOD SENATORS! Who gives a damn what their ethnic background is! I don't know if Mr. Burris will be a good one or not. He doesn't seem to have any fishy background, which for a Chicago area Democrat is an accomplishment in itself. Having a human piece of garbage like Bobby Rush speak for you doesn't help that image, though. When Burris finally made the trip to Washington, D.C., on Jan. 6, Rush referred to Democrat Majority Leader Harry Reid's refusal to seat Mr. Burris as an act of racism. WOW! WHAT A SURPRISE! A BLACK PANTHER THINKS SOMETHING IS RACIST! BLACK PANTHERS THINK EVERYTHING IS RACIST! While I believe and know for fact that Sen. Reid's action is unconstitutional, it is not racist. Reid said that he would not seat anyone appointed by "Blago" because of the cloud of corruption that hangs over his strangely quaffed head. If Blagojevich had chosen a white person to take Barack Obama's former Senate post and Reid didn't seat him, could Rush claim racism then? Oh wait, then Blagojevich would be racist for taking the lone "black" senate seat and turning it white. This Rush is smart. He has something to complain about no matter what. How is it that a pure racist who was a member of a racist domestic terrorist group could ever be elected to anything in this supposedly racially sensitive country? Could you ever imagine a former KKK member being elected to Congress? But there is one, and his name is Robert Byrd, Senator from West Virginia, and he is a Democrat. Oh yeah, I forgot, they don't have to apologize for anything ever! Back to Rush. Guys like him make me sick. They look to pounce on every chance to bring race into everything when it normally doesn't apply. It's what gives these people power. Let's not succumb to this race baiting garbage that continues to keep a nation divided despite the fact that its citizens have much more in common than people like Rush can comprehend. It's for your constant race baiting and stupidity that you have earned the award of being a lifetime...

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2008

BRETT FAVRE

Just a few months after retiring from football, the former Green Bay Packers and future Hall of Fame QB got the itch to play again. After the soap opera in Green Bay ended, this chapter of his career took Favre to the "Big Apple." His arrival got Jets' QB Chad Pennington bounced to the 1-15 Miami Dolphins in the midst of another rebuilding year. A little less than a year after seemingly ending his storied career with an interception in the NFC title game against the New York Giants at Lambeau Field, Favre had his second to last pass intercepted at Giants Stadium as Pennington's Dolphins won the division and helped knock "Redneck Brett" and his Jets out of playoff contention. This time his last pass was an illegal forward one as the Jets tried to lateral their way to victory in a last desperate gasp. He wanted one more shot at glory, and he got jack squat. Now we begin the retirement sweepstakes again. Let's hope this time he chooses retirement on a permanent basis. For being greedy and selfish and tarnishing your Green Bay career, Brett Favre, you are a

DOUCHEBAG!

 INDUCTED

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2008

THE GUY ON THE LEFT WITH THE SIGN

Although the two guys sporting O.J. jerseys could qualify, just liking O.J. is not sufficiently douchey. I do fear for them should their jerseys be authentic because O.J. may bust out and stick them up to get his stuff back. Check out the "Superfreak" Rick James look-a-like on the left with the sign that says, "Free O.J. You Black-Male Haters." First of all, I don't think you need the hyphen between "Black" and "Male," but he's not on this list for poor grammar. It's a tad late to pull out the race card when he's being sentenced. Besides, the only reason he's been free since October of 1995 is because of Johnnie Cochrane's use of the race card to the moron jury in Southern California 13 years ago. Poor, O.J. Johnnie dies, and he's left with this guy outside the courthouse defending his "honor." No dream team this time. It is more than fair to call anyone who thinks like sign guy is a big

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2008

DONOVAN McNABB

This could take a while, so I may have to go to overtime to finish this one. After the end of the overtime period in the Nov. 16, game between his Philadelphia Eagles and the Cincinnati Bengals, Mr. McNabb admitted he didn't realize that a regular season NFL game could end tied. I bet Rush Limbaugh is getting a good laugh out of this. Before this 13-13 final, the last tie game was in 2002, so it doesn't happen often, but for a 10-year pro to not know this rule is confounding. He said he never played to a tie in high school or college. I've never even played football at any level, and I know there are ties in the NFL. There used to be ties in the college game as well, and that wasn't all too long ago. Some have defended McNabb by saying that there are many more players who don't know that. Hell of a defense, huh? To me, that just proves how dumb these jackasses are. Ever read the newspaper and wonder what that third column in the standings underneath the letter "T" meant? This says a lot for McNabb's Syracuse University and Mt. Carmel High School education. I'd be surprised if he could count to 21 without taking his shoes and pants off. This is also the same guy who described the antics of estranged former teammate Terrell Owens as "black-on-black" crime. While Owens is overqualified for this page, he hasn't done anything new to qualify. I'm sure he'll come around soon.

Anyway, comparing disparaging comments made by a serial cry-baby (just ask Jeff Garcia) like Owens to one of the scourges of urban life is a travesty and only further proves Donovan McNabb worthy of the title

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2008

JUDGE MARGARET MARRINAN

(photo unavailable)

I always thought judges were chosen for their "judgement" as opposed to just being a sheister lawyer in a dress. Well, this one got through as Minnesota judge Margaret Marrinan fell for the oldest trick in the book. The pride of Chicago Javontez L. Ross pleaded guilty to a felony drug charge in St. Paul on Sept. 11, but his attorney -another credit to the law profession- requested a delay in sentencing so Ross could travel home to Chicago to do his civic duty. Can you guess what happened next?

HE NEVER CAME BACK FOR HIS SENTENCING!

I bet you didn't see that one coming, right? Oh, you did? Hmm...how could a regular Joe like you figure this out yet a judge couldn't see this distinct possibility? This is why I voted NO on retaining all the judges on my ballot on Nov. 4. They're political ass kissers just like the rest of the politicians. Nobody deserves a job for life, so out with the bums! It's liberal do-nothing, skirt-the-law, bleeding heart losers like Judge Marrinan that make our justice system a joke. First of all, why should a felon have the right to vote? Secondly, why should he dictate the court's schedule? Finally, even if you let him go home to vote, SEND SOMEONE TO GO WITH HIM AND BRING HIS FELON ASS BACK FOR HIS SENTENCING! You just wasted the court's time, the taxpayers' money, and made a mockery of all the cops who work hard trying to put away bums like this and make the streets safe for good law abiding citizens. Oh, and there's one more thing...THERE'S NO RECORD OF ROSS VOTING ON NOV. 4! The last time Cook County showed him voting is 2005 at the latest. Well done Judge Marrinan. Not only have you earned the title juris doctor, your honor, but now you have the distinct privilege of addinig the title of

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008

PHIL DONAHUE

The original talk-show host talked his way onto this amazing list. Surprise! First off, I want to know why it is that so many people who can't speak clearly get jobs that require them to speak on TV and radio. Donahue, Barbara Walters, Tom Brokaw. I could go on, but that's another story for another time. He was on "The O'Reilly Factor" on Nov. 10, promoting his documentary "Body of War." He's doing it for a good cause to benefit a particular wounded soldier. He should be applauded for that. BUT! The rabid anti-war advocate provided us all with a nugget of knowledge that will solve all problems in the world without having to fire another shot. O'Reilly was explaining how silly Donahue was for not supporting the war in Afghanistan and for not understanding what leaving Iraq too soon would mean, even comparing it to the approximately 2 million who died in Southeast Asia after we pulled out of Vietnam (another war "Phoolish Phil" opposed). During O'Reilly's history lesson Donahue exclaimed that the solution to violence in the world would be to "stop calling each other names." What is this, 4th Grade? Do you really think the 19 hijackers crashed those 4 airplanes on Sept. 11, 2001, because we called them names? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will cause jihad. I don't recall that phrase going that way, but that's what Donahue is basically saying. Well, Phil, your simplistically ridiculous comments forced me to contribute to the dangerous world by calling you a limp-wristed, empty-headed, bleeding heart

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2008

52% OF YOU!

To find my next inductee, all you may need is a mirror. Elections have consequences. We will soon find out the consequences that 100% of us will endure based on the misguided choice that about 52% of the electorate made on November 4, 2008. We are now saddled with the least experienced and most liberal man to ever run the nation based on a promise of hope and change. Others voted for him because they say he's smart. That is obviously an attack on President Bush because John McCain has never been referred to as unintelligent. Beware of those whose intelligence is overrated. I just hope that Mr. Obama doesn't think he's as smart as his supporters do because that will get him in a lot of trouble. Also, I'm a bit tired of people calling Obama's election historic. EVERY ELECTION IS HISTORIC! He will be only the 44th man to ever be president since George Washington took the post in 1789. We are also the most powerful nation in the world. History is made every four years, regardless of the race, religion, sex or ethnic background of the winner of the presidential election. For basing your choice on a sense of history, false hope, change headed toward the extreme left, I declare that this 52% of American voters are

DOUCHEBAGS!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2008

FORREST CLAYPOOL

This "reformer" on the Cook County Board looks much less like one now. Claypool ran against John Stroger for Board President in 2006 and stood a good chance to unseat the long-time machine politician. After Stroger suffered a severe stroke, all the Cook County powers that be urged voters to support Stroger despite nobody knowing his medical condition. Stroger won the Democrat nomination, and the Democrats waited to name a replacement on the ballot until there was no opportunity to dispute it. Who did the Democrats choose? Stroger's son Todd. Many wondered if Claypool would publicly endorse Republican Tony Peraica. He never said anything publicly, and Todd won his daddy's job after a close election. Someone special made an endorsement of Prince Todd. Who would that be? Senator Barack Obama. The man for change snubbed his reformer friend Claypool to support the machine's man. Yet, on election night, Claypool was one of the many morons at Grant Park celebrating Obama's victory. This man, who claimed to have the guts to stand up to the machine back in 2006, can't even stand up for himself now that it would be politically inconvenient. That makes you a typical politician and deserving of the title

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2008

COLIN POWELL

Well, at least you can't say Colin Powell is two-faced because he's always been a worm. He just decided to pop up out of the ground two weeks ahead of the 2008 election to endorse a Marxist for president. It's not a surprise that a man named Colin (pronounced like colon) would make an ass of himself. A man who has admitted that he benefitted from affirmative action showed exactly why such programs advance undeserving and unqualified people. When it advances someone at a bank it's one thing. When it advances someone to a position as high as Secretary of State, it's another. Of course, the first chance Mr. Powell gets, he forsakes those who gave him the opportunity in order to support the "Transformative Figure" that happens to share the same skin tone as he does. Coincidence? I think not. Instead of supporting a war hero who supports the troops, this four-star idiot throws his name behind the radical cut-and-run candidate with absolutely no clue on foreign policy. The man is making a political move to ass kiss the media elites, and Obama said Powell has been advising him for some time now. So why wait until mid-October to publicly claim your endorsement of the Democrat nominee? Because he's a self-absorbed louse who wants to see how much influence he can have on this election. I'm sure he's also positioning himself for a role in an Obama administration.

May I suggest he be the chairman of the department of being a

DOUCHEBAG!

POSTHUMOUSLY INDUCTED

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2008

RICHARD COOEY

Thinking he may avoid execution for a double murder he committed in 1986, Richard Cooey claimed he couldn't receive lethal injection because it would be too difficult to find a good vein in the portly 5-foot-7, 267-pound piece of garbage that he is, thus making it cruel and unusual punishment. Of course he was able to find some sheister lawyers to argue that for him, but it was to no avail. Cooey was executed on Oct. 14. I'm an overweight-American (don't you love that hyphenated crap?), and nurses and doctors have had trouble finding my veins in the past when I've needed to get blood tests done, so I understand that it is possible. But, consider Cooey gained 75 pounds since he was incarcerated over 20 years ago, and his lawyers blamed the prison food and the 23 hours of confinement. Gee, we should all feel bad that Cooey didn't get all the healthy organic food and the exercise he needed while he was on death row. Somehow I think a health club would kick you out for double murder, so don't expect better treatment in jail, moron. If it wasn't for the incessant appeals process, we could have offed this fat bastard years ago when we could still find a vein. I've heard of the insanity defense, but never the obesity appeal for clemency. It must be a new procedure taught in law schools. To make this sad story a bit comical is realizing what the final meal was for this monster. Cooey downed a T-bone steak with A-1 sauce, onion rings, french fries, four eggs over easy, toast with butter, hash browns, rocky road ice cream and bear claw pastry while washing it all down with Mountain Dew. The only thing that would have made it funnier was if he asked for a Diet Mountain Dew. Cooey turned out to be a pure pig until the very end.

Although he's gone from this world for good, Richard Cooey will be known for eternity as a ravenous

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2008

DAVID LETTERMAN

The late night host and former weather man got on his high horse when Sen. John McCain cancelled his appearance on the Letterman show on Sept. 24, to focus on a legislative solution to the financial mess the country is currently going through. After praising McCain's heroic story, he slapped around the GOP Presidential Nominee with some help with Aug.30, inductee Keith Olbermann. Of course the duo couldn't let this opportunity go without taking a swipe at President Bush as well.

The details are from www.drudgereport.com.

Letterman told his audience that McCain called him to tell him he had to rush back to DC to deal with the economy. Then in the middle of the taping Dave got word that McCain was, in fact just down the street being interviewed by Katie Couric. Dave even cut over to the live video of the interview, and said, "Hey Senator, can I give you a ride home?"

Earlier in the show, Dave kept saying, "You don't suspend your campaign. This doesn't smell right. This isn't the way a tested hero behaves." And he joked: "I think someone's putting something in his metamucil. He can't run the campaign because the economy is cratering? Fine, put in your second string quarterback, Sara Palin. Where is she? What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president? We've got a guy like that now!"

First of all, you shouldn't talk about metamucil, grandpa! Secondly, when is the last time you actually said something funny? Most importantly, when will you go away so someone can take the place of an enormous

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2008

JOSH HOWARD

Dallas Mavericks' player Josh Howard (right) made an ass of himself on a phone video before participating in a charity flag football game in July. As the national anthem was playing, Howard quipped, "'The Star-Spangled Banner' is going on. I don't celebrate this [expletive]. I'm black." He then made a hard-to-hear reference to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama (video). Add Howard to the pile of crap that is Barry's supporter section. For your idiocy in thinking that your little video wouldn't make it public and your total disregard to the country that made you rich, Josh Howard, you are a first rate

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

SATURDAY, AUGUST 30, 2008

MICHAEL MOORE & KEITH OLBERMANN

What a pair these two make! Two bigger hacks you'll never find, and we can often find them in the same place, that being Olbermann's little watched show on MSNBC called "Countdown." Their latest collaboration came on Aug. 29, when Moore declared that there must be a God since chances are good that Hurricane Gustav will make landfall in the U.S. and most likely in New Orleans on the first day of the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, MN. Since nobody watches this show, you can see the clip here.  In the clip, Olbermann doesn't even bat an eye when Moore makes his asinine comment. They talk back and forth putting down GOP VP pick Sarah Palin as well as Sen. John McCain celebrating his birthday with President George W. Bush from three years ago when Hurricane Katrina hit. Remember now, there was little damage the day the storm hit. The devastation came that night and the next day when the levees failed from the storm surge, but why let facts get in the way of a good smear from two of the top smear merchants in the business. The few seconds they spent talking about any actual real issues, they had nothing to say but silly inside jokes amid much mumbling.

Thanks for your contribution to the national discourse, guys!

Moore and Olbermann are so similar it's scary. Moore makes "documentaries" that reflect his views. I thought documentaries were supposed to uncover truth, not reflect your preconceived notions based on manipulated facts. Moore is also the same man who has referred to the American People as being stupid. So much for championing the regular guy. Olbermann moderates a talk show that basically features only guests who completely agree with him from such media entities as Newsweek, the Daily Kos, MoveOn.org, and Air America Radio. It can't be too hard to find someone from Air America since nobody listens to that garbage either. And he rips on Fox News and has an obsession with Bill O'Reilly (who beats his brains in nightly in the ratings) for claiming to be Fair and Balanced. O'Reilly and the other Fox shows do have plenty of hosts and guests who represent many different views, whether or not the former ESPN SportsCenter hack wants to admit it. He's ruining any credibility NBC News ever had, and he has brought his blathering moronic diatribes to Sunday Night Football. 

 For their consistency in being uninformed liberal blowhards and doing so in an unentertaining and sloppy way, you two wind bags are extraordinarily qualified to be enormously annoying

DOUCHEBAGS!

INDUCTED

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 2008

OPRAH WINFREY

The undisputed queen of talk is the latest to be enshrined in our hallowed halls.  I've gone back-and-forth on my opinions of the big "O" through the years.  I've always found her and her audience to be annoying, but I figured she was basically harmless.  Now, a woman who has been famous for some time and has never said a word about politics and hadn't voted since 1988 suddenly is taken by the wonder of Barack Obama.  It shows her closet racism since you should remember that Jesse Jackson was running his second race for the White House that year, and I would guess she voted for him.  So, she only votes when black people run.  If I had to wait for an Italian to run, I'd never vote.  And I wasn't planning on voting for Giuliani in the GOP primary this year either.  She's not only supporting him with her vote, but she is also raising ridiculous amounts of money from her famous friends for him as well.  That alienated much or her female audience, which was emotionally invested in Hillary Clinton for mostly sexist reasons.  So they're both wrong in my mind, but that's not the point here. 

The topper was her crying at Obama's acceptance speech at the Democrat Convention. 

She said she cried her false eyelashers right off.  It seems appropriate that she would cry her phony eyelashes off while listening to the ramblings of the phoniest party nominee in American history. 

For all that and a whole bunch more, Oprah Winfrey, you are a

DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 2008

JOHN EDWARDS

A SIMPLE MATH EQUATION CEMENTS THE FORMER NORTH CAROLINA SENATOR'S INFAMY.

Democrat + Ambulance Chasing Lawyer + $400  haircut + Owns a compact (pictured left) + Claims to be for the poor while living in a mansion +

Cheated on his wife (pictured right) while she was being treated for cancer =

GIGANTIC DOUCHEBAG!

INDUCTED

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 2008

NANCY PELOSI

THE FIRST FEMALE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE HAS CERTAINLY BEEN HISTORIC.  SHE IS THE FIRST SPEAKER TO TURN THE LIGHTS OFF ON DEBATE ON AUG. 1, AS HOUSE REPUBLICANS CONTINUED TO MAKE SPEECHES ABOUT U.S. ENERGY POLICY, EMPHASIZING DRILLING FOR OIL NOW.  AS YOU CAN SEE BY THE PICTURE ABOVE, WHERE SHE SEEMS READY TO PLAY "WHACK-A-MOLE" WITH A BUNCH OF KIDS UPON HER TAKING OVER THE SPEAKERS' CHAIR AND GAVEL, MRS. PELOSI LOVES POWER.  SHE IS WILLING TO THROW THE CONSTITUTION INTO A DUMPSTER TO EXACT HER AGENDA DESPITE WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT.  AS IS TYPICAL OF LIBERALS, THE FIRST AMENDMENT ONLY COUNTS FOR THOSE WHO AGREE WITH HER.  IF YOU SHOULD CONFRONT ANY OF THEM WITH DIFFERENT IDEAS, THEN YOU NEED NOT BE HEARD FROM.  WHAT DOES SHE CARE IF YOU PAY MORE FOR GAS? SHE'S FILTHY RICH BECAUSE OF HER HUSBAND.  BUT THEN AGAIN, SHE CLAIMS TO DO EVERYTHING TO "SAVE THE PLANET."  WHAT'S THE POINT OF SAVING THE PLANET IF WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LIVE HERE!?  FOR THESE, AND MANY MORE REASONS THAN I HAVE TIME TO MENTION, REPULSIVE REPRESENTATIVE AND SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE NANCY PELOSI IS OUR FIRST FEMALE INDUCTEE AND WORTHY OF BEING CALLED A LADY

DOUCHEBAG!

INAUGURAL INDUCTEES

JULY 28, 2008

CHET COPPOCK & REV. JESSE L. JACKSON

I figured that the best way to start this amazing list of jackasses would be to begin locally.  So the first two honorees in the DannyCarlino.com "Hall of Douchebags" are two of the biggest loudmouths in Chicago. Former sportscasting icon and current ESPN Radio weekend windbag re-tread Chet Coppock is honored alongside chief rabble rouser and nosiest of the nosey, the supreme Rev. Jesse L. Jackson.

Congratulations guys.  Your work speaks for itself.  No one deserves this honor more than you two

DOUCHEBAGS!